Am I A Masochist?

Am I a masochist?
I adore the things that hurt me
The bite in every word against me
The pain in every rejection I get
Because of the hope
A chance that this loneliness will lead
To a love that I desperately desire

I'd let you rip me to pieces
If it meant that one day, you'd love me
All I ever want
And all I could ever need
Rests in your hands
The hands that never touch me
The smile that never lingers in my direction
The eyes that desperately avoid me
And the voice that whispers my name

I hear it
And it's destroying me from the inside out
How I ache with longing
For you, for you, for you
The idea of you and me
Because I can see it, damn it
They can see it
This is more than just a passing glance
This is an emotion
One that is tearing me apart
Killing me from the outside in

Four More Days

Breathless
Caught up in the same old daydream
That I am dying to make a reality
Your soft lips against my skin
The slightest flicker of your tongue
Against the warmth of my neck
Your teeth graze the surface
And I can't hold back

From wrapping my legs around your waist
Pulling your lips down to mine
And grasping your hair in my hands
Every sound you make drives me wild
Sending those lovely shivers down my spine
I writhe in ecstasy again and again
The most beautiful feeling

You do it again
Envelope yourself in the emotion
And I'm screaming your name
In hopes that you'll never stop
Never stop loving me the way you do
It's the best way you know how

My entire body aches
The sweetest pain I've ever felt
Muscles in my legs shaking
Weakly nuzzled into the curve of your arms
Those same soft lips against my forehead
And sugar-coated "I love you's" escape your lips

Shakes of laughter wrack your body
As I am pressed against your chest
And I respond in the same manner
That smile lighting up your face
And lighting up my world
How could I live without the passion?
How could I live without the friendship?

Venom In My Veins

The sighs and the sweetest breath
The heaving of your chest
I felt it
I hear it in my dreams

The wrong never felt so right
It's my body's favorite fight
My brain rips
My heart right at its seams

I try to say the words
But they cannot escape
And I can
Tell you how I feel, but
Boy, I just get so afraid
Of how

You take my breath away
With the things you do
And the words you say
I didn't think it'd hurt
To hear the way you
Remember her
And I need you to know
I'm terrified that
You'll let me go
And I don't want you
To leave me

The way that my body aches
For your eyes upon my face
It kills me
Brings the venom to my veins

And if you don't feel the same
If I'm just another name
Then don't tell me
Save me from the selfish pain

I can't believe that I
Could do this to myself
And I can't
Tell you that you're bringing me
Into the depths of hell
With how

You take my breath away
With the things you do
And the words you say
I didn't think it'd hurt
To hear the way you
Remember her
And I need you to know
I'm terrified that
You'll let me go
And I don't want you
To leave me

'Cause I can't
Explain it
All I can do is say it
And just hope that
You feel it
It's embarrassing to say
How much I don't want
You to go
And I want you to know
That I can't
Control it
Or stop myself

You take my breath away
With the things you do
And the words you say
I pretend it doesn't hurt
The way that you
Remember her
I'm begging you to know
I'm terrified
That you will go
And I don't want you
To leave me

I'm so scared that you'll leave me

Judgment

Watch me fervently
With eyes narrowed by jealousy
And swear that you're superior
To my inevitable character flaws

This won't be the first time
And it won't be the last
That accusing words will flow
From that intelligent mouth of yours
Looking down on me
From your golden pedestal

Pardon me for being who I am
And pardon me for enjoying myself
God save my soul from hell
Because my apparent sins
Will send me straight to Hell, right?

The Other Side

Everything I've ever done
I've done with the best intentions
Every rule I ever broke
Has been too rare to mention
I've been holding out so long
And made this love my own invention

Every heart I ever broke
I tried my best to mend
Every story that I've sang
Has always had its end
I'm tired of this fairytale
I want to stop playing pretend

But I can't
So I won't
Although this heart of mine
Is crying for the other side

Every time I look away
You're always there beside me
Every time I needed you
You're always there to guide me
I am begging for a sign
That things aren't always what they seem

Every second that I wait
I view as some days long
Every time I go to sleep
The dreams turn out so wrong
I know inside I am a fool
Though I try to act so strong

But I can't
So I won't
Although this heart of mine
Is crying for the other side

Escape

Me and you against the world
A dream I so long to embrace
For the rest of my waking days

Until now, I was insecure
A beauty locked up in a prison
But my punishment was self-inflicted
And I couldn't free myself

But with you, I am in flight
Reaching even the highest skies
And touching the powdery clouds
With my own fingertips

You helped me be the me
I didn't know that I could be
And now, I can't go back
To the person that I was

My Jumbled Mess Of A Mind

So many things I could say
And so many answers I could write
But the tapping of the keyboard
Would ring in my ears for eternity
So I will try to keep this short

I can't imagine my world changing
I am so terrified to leave you
Scared to the point of tears
Because I don't want to end this
Not when I know this kind of love
Is the type that should last forever

Time is the enemy
And the night is my friend
At midnight, dreamland is the
Most wonderful of companions
Because when I dream
I am always envisioning you

Do you dream of me?
Or am I stupid for asking?
I pray that I am just as capturing
As you are to me
These visions dance in my head
And I will keep them

The thought of everything
Spiraling into change
Is ever present in this day
But I swear, I can't let this end
Because life is a long experience
And I can't be alone for this
Not when I love you so