Monday, March 26, 2012

Meet Me

Alrighty, bloggers and all. I've decided that I'm going to make myself pretty damn happy and confident. I can't take being so down on myself anymore, and the only way I'm going to feel better is if I focus on myself. I'm creating a list of things I love about me. Fuck the bad stuff. I can always improve my flaws, but my good traits are here to stay. Let the listing begin!

1. I'm a writer.
2. I'm the best French horn player in the district. And have been.
3. I have some very good friends.
4. My eyes a pretty shade of red-brown.
5. I have DDs.
6. My legs are really muscular; runner's legs.
7. I'm compassionate.
8. I have a fairly decent French accent.
9. I'm smart.
10. I can sing fairly well.
11. I'm a fun person to hang out with.
12. Nice nose.
13. Not super skinny, but not extremely overweight.
14. Trumpet player.
15. Mellophone section leader.
16. I can kind of play guitar, piano, clarinet, and alto sax.
17. I've never done drugs.
18. Not a smoker.
19. Not really a drinker.
20. Extremely empathetic.
21. Tend to look on the bright side, regardless of how many times this world or people in it screw me over.
22. I believe in love.
23. Easy to talk to.
24. Good at badminton.
25. Competitive.
26. Determined to make something out of myself.
27. I forgive very, very easily.
28. I always try to maintain friends.
29. I can listen to almost any kind of music and be entertained.
30. Love to read.
31. Polite.
32. Believes in a higher power.
33. Able to be different without crushing others' ideas.
34. Tries not to judge.
35. Doesn't hold grudges.
36. Gets along with people easily.
37. Impossibles are never impossible.
38. A pure dreamer.
39. Easily broken, but always recovers.
40. Beautiful.

Fly Away

Author's Note: This one is written for a good friend of mine, as well as for myself. I honestly love this one. c:

3-23-12
-------xx

Pretty baby
Why'd you let yourself
Do this again?
You can't ever see
What's right in front of you

Pretty baby
You won't ever fly
If you clip your wings
Let me try to save you

You've got one shot
So make it
You've got one chance
So take it
Don't let this keep you down
Fly away!

Pretty baby
That big ol' storm cloud
Won't always be there
It can only rain
For so long

Pretty baby
You've got so much
Raw potential
If you open your eyes
You'll see it inside

You've got one shot
So make it
You've got one chance
So take it
I'll be here to catch you
When you fall
But the only way you'll win
Is if you risk it all
You've got one life
So live it
You've got all this love
So give it
Don't let this keep you down
Fly away!

When you feel you're
Holding on to nothing
I promisek, I can
Be your something
There's so much we
Have left to do
I swear that we can
Make it through

You've got one shot
So make it
You've got one chance
So take it
I'll be here to catch you
When you fall
But the only way we'll win
Is if we risk it all
You've got one life
So live it
You've got all this love
So give it
I'll help you get off the ground
And fly away!

Rising Nightmare

Author's Note: This is the hardest one I've had to write to date. It makes me want to cry every time I sing it. But if you want to hear it, feel free to let me know. I don't believe I dated this one, either. It was sometime in March after I broke up with him.

-------xx

Do you even feel ashamed
Of how you handled you and me?
I've only got myself to blame
For this shattered heart and broken dreams

You silently watched me cry
From those big brown eyes you held so dear
Didn't give one damn "goodbye"
Or wipe away a single tear

I may have been the one to leave
But that doesn't mean I'm not
Screaming in the night
This mask I wear is infallible
So you'll believe that I'm alright
The vengeful side you never see
Hopes it hurts to look at me
Maybe then you'll feel the way I feel
'Cuz this is my nightmare coming real

I hope you're doing well
Bet you've already moved on
You put me through a living hell
When you said you wanted me gone

Just let me walk away
Didn't even try to hold me back
Or ask me if I'd stay
You allowed everything to crack
Into pieces

I may have been the one to leave
But that doesn't mean I'm not
Screaming in the night
This mask I wear is infallible
So you'll believe that I'm alright
The vengeful side you never see
Hopes it hurts to look at me
Maybe then you'll feel the way I feel
'Cuz I swear, this is my nightmare coming real

Maybe I'm a liar
If I tell you I'm okay
Don't tell me you miss me
I'm not gonna listen
Or ever believe you again!

I should've seen this coming
I've been through this before
Why did you have to do this?
Why don't you love me anymore?

I may have been the one to leave
But that doesn't mean I'm not
Screaming in the night
The act I have is infallible
So you'll believe that I'm alright
The vengeful side you never see
Hopes it hurts to look at me
Maybe then you'll feel the way I feel
'Cuz this is my nightmare coming real
You created my nightmare

The Art Of Holding On

3-7-12
-------xx

Forget the things you said
I'm tired of making
Myself believe
Every excuse you make instead
Of being with who you
Say you need

So here's your shot
Say what you wanna say
What have we got
That makes you wanna stay?
Why do you seem so intent
On pushing me away?

Give me something to believe in
Other than my insecurities
The trust I have is slowly fading
If it's gone, I'll never be free
From the doubt my mind created
Fixated on you and me
Don't you see? Stop letting go!

Remember singing a song
Of moondances and a
Love so strong?
The way you pull me in
To your arms
Back where I belong

And don't you dare forget
That fateful February night
Ad how I cried with pain
Pressed against your chest,
You held me tight
You said, "It'll be alright."

So here's your shot
Say what you wanna say
This is what we've got
So tell me you'll stay
Make me believe you
Won't push me away

Give me something to believe in
Other than my insecurities
The trust I have is slowly fading
If it's gone, I'll never be free
From the doubts my mind created
Fixated on you and me
Don't you see? Don't let me go!

Tell me it's my imagination
Playing stupid tricks on me
Look me in the eye
And tell me what you see

Give me something to believe it
Other than my insecurities
The trust I have is slowly fading
If it's gone, I'll never be free
From the doubts my mind created
Fixated on you and me
Can't you see? Don't let me go!

Don't push me away;
Don't let me go!

Rainbow Tears

Author's Note: Wrote this one FOREVER ago. So, sorry for not posting it back in 2011 like I should have. I'm such a problem. xD

10-14-11
---------xx

You did it this time
Is there something that
You wanna add?
My heart's walking on a thin line
At this rate, the rope's
Gonna snap

Not even
Another second
Longer
It's gone
I'm taking it
Harder
Than it ever
Should've been

It wasn't worth it
All those nights I
Waited at the phone
And every kiss meant
Nothing 'cuz I felt
Alone

I shouldn't miss it
Look at who you are,
At what you've done
I didn't listen
When they warned me
"Baby, run, run
And don't you ever look back."

Not even
Another
Second longer
It's gone
I'm taking it
Harder
Than it ever
Should've been

Keep breathing
Nothing
Could stop him
From leaving
Make him
Believe you don't
Feel it
'Cuz rainbow tears
Show him everything

Oh
Did you run, run?
Don't turn back

You did it this time
What else could you possibly add?

Not even
Another second
Longer
It's gone
I'm taking it
Harder
Than it ever
Should've been

Keep breathing
Nothing
Could stop him
From leaving
Make him
Believe you don't
Feel it
'Cuz rainbow tears
Show him everything

Run, run
Don't you ever look back

Monday, March 19, 2012

You Did It

If I could just tell myself one thing, it would be "don't do this again". Don't you dare trust anyone else, because every time you do, they end up leaving you. Every single time. I'm tired of counting the times people tell me they love me and take it back, watching me cry because I foolishly trusted them again.

If I could go back and warn myself that you'd be the one to break me the hardest, I never would have let myself get as close to you. There would be no chance of me falling in love with someone who could use me to his own advantage, then simply toss me aside, proving that I'm more unlovable than I originally believed.

If I could shield myself from every ounce of hope you gave to me, I would do it in a heartbeat. I never should have trusted you. I'm an idiot. I hope you're happy, because if you were planning to break my heart, you succeeded.